Troubled Paradise

It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted on here. Life has been a whirlwind of stress and work, though productive at least. Amid the current crisis in Gaza I felt compelled to share a poetry piece from my forthcoming book that I had written months ago and despite the book not yet being finished, I thought it would be an appropriate time to share with you. Our voices are our weapons and our words are our bullets. Don’t ever be afraid to speak up against injustice.

Troubled Paradise

I had learned at an early age that not everyone is pure with their intentions, I’ve been exposed to violence since I was a child, with the simple tap of an iPhone. Videos of bombings, hangings, the destruction of societies by merciless demons, fueled by greed and hate. 

Coming to America has never been easy for people like me, and I’ve been told stories filled with cruelty and bloodshed that left the rivers of Baghdad running red. Entire family lineages in the Middle East - bombed out of existence. 

Mercy does not exist where we come from. 

It’s been years and I’m maddened with rage and unrest. Unable to endure the mundane tasks of daily life. More innocence lost. Another missile flying to its futile fate. Another protest. More lives lost due to famine and disease. From Palestine to Yemen. 

There is a particularly potent form of pain and frustration when you cannot save those who are trapped within the claws of evil. Our phone screens seep with blood from thousands of miles away. Day after day.

But there’s a growing resistance. Bigger than anything that I’ve seen before. Pulsing, circulating, spreading through each country line. The truth refuses to be hidden any longer. The masses are rising against the systems of oppression. Every closed eye has awakened.  An accelerating momentum of power is building, demanding justice for every life lost, every dream shattered. 

Those martyred have not been killed in vain. With the strength and tenacity of every person, we will bring justice and an end to apartheid, occupation, oppression, and genocide. The tides will turn and liberation will ring like bells across our lands. No longer victims to a blood hungry war machine. 

I used to think that I did not have the power as one person to make an impact. But my voice has never been louder, my rage has never been more wilder, marching in line with hundreds of thousands of people who may have thought they didn’t possess their own power. 

But we’re here. We’re resisting and we refuse to back down until liberation is granted, and a new era will be born. 

Nightmares & Daydreams Unraveled

Hello everyone, I wanted to create a post to thoroughly introduce my third book, and very first "spiritual thriller"/poetry hybrid project Nightmares & Daydreams. It’s taken me a while to properly string together all my thoughts about this project as it comprises so many themes, and because it's been such a personal, painful journey to shed so many layers of myself and leave them within the pages of this book. It’s my most ambitious project yet that has taken so much time and energy to complete but I’m excited that it’s coming out October 17th and will finally be in your hands soon.

The main component of the book is the fiction thriller story that had rippled from the surface of my subconscious. I didn't even plan on writing a fiction story, but the idea came to me one morning and before I knew it, I had the entire summary of the story written out. This was during the summer Intuition was released back in 2020. The story itself, along with much of the poetry section, deals with trying to overcome repressed traumas and finding the strength to make peace with our inner demons, which I had dealt with during the beginning of the pandemic when I was cut from all my distractions and left alone with my thoughts. I won't spoil too many details, but I wanted this book to represent BIPOC members of the LGBT community such as myself who had grown up without ever being able to relate to characters we would watch on TV or read in books. It has also been beautiful to intertwine so much Middle Eastern culture into the pages of this book from music, mythology and cultural customs that I've grown up with since I was a child. As dark as the book may be, there's a profound message and a spiritually cathartic ending that I hope resonates with many readers. Kalim is a really special character and I'm excited for people to meet him and fully immerse themselves into his world. 

This book is not for the faint of heart though. It has sharp teeth and will pull you deep into themes of drug addiction, references to domestic abuse, accidents, death, dream psychology, and cognitive distortions that ripple with force through both sections of the book.

The poetry section literally starts in hell, and I let myself become taken by the darker and insidious aspects within myself, such as negative thought patterns, coping mechanisms, vices, mood disorders, and acknowledging my reluctance to evolve at the time. The section is shorter than my last book but certainly my most potent, with fully fleshed out pieces that are much longer in comparison to the whimsical, fleeting thoughts of Intuition. As personal as this book is, I'm proud of being able to fully confront many of my own demons as well as further understand my relationship with writing, which I've concluded to be much less of a hobby as it is a compulsion, or a monster, I've called it now, that lives within me and had a heavy hand in bringing this work to life. Dante's Inferno had been the main inspiration throughout the poetry section as I wrote my way out of each circle, clinging to my faith and powering through with strength to eventually reach the light. It may shock some of you, it may comfort some of you, but this book is fully, authentically, the darkest parts of the human experience.

The journey to paradise begins in hell, get ready.

Adolescence, Adulthood and Cognitive Distortions

Adolescence is a very complex stage in one's life as it's the bridging phase between early childhood and adulthood. As well as being able to learn to navigate one's own relationship with themselves, they also have to endure external influences from their peers, their parents and others as they slowly form their identity. There are many trials and tribulations we all grow through during this stage that eventually shapes who we are as adults. If we are unable to work through certain issues and mindsets, they will very much stay with us during our adult years and have major influence on our self esteem as well as our relationships with others. 

There are said to be about three different elements when it comes to egocentrism: personal fable, self focus, and imaginary audience. 

Personal fable is a concept that I have noticed many adults even still hold. It's essentially the belief that whatever has an impact on other people, won't have an impact on the individual, and that they are the center of attention. This reckless form of thinking can lead to consequences because the individual believes that whatever they do, they will be unharmed.  This leads into self focus where someone can be stubborn in their own opinions and behave selfishly. They are unable to consider the guidance of others and will rebel against authoritative figures in an attempt to latch onto their growing independence. 

Imaginary audience is a psychological concept where someone believes people are always watching them and evaluating/judging them. As an example, I will admit that I still deal with this form of thinking where I feel like there are eyes on me and that I'm on display even when I am alone. I am not sure if it solely stems from my adolescence stage, even though I was very harshly judged by my family and peers growing up. I think it partly stems from using social media for so long, that even when I put down my phone I can still imagine so many faces and opinions swirling through my head that I don't always feel like I am alone, even when I am.

What was the point in addressing all of this? Because the majority of adults still face many of these cognitive distortions and were never able to grow past them as they entered adulthood. It takes a particular person with very high self esteem/respect and a high level of maturation in order to be freed from these ways of thinking. I don't think I have ever met a single adult who does not exhibit behaviors stemming from some of these distortions and it is simply because people don't know how to work through them, and most people aren't even aware they have them. It takes years of inner work to be able to evolve past these cognitive conditionings and it's rather challenging, but not impossible. There's therapy, but even books on the subjects of reconditioning your mind are readily available and deeply informative. I highly recommend the book "How To Do The Work" by Nicole LePera that delves into the process of reconditioning the mind. 

There are things that I am still learning about myself to this day, and it's always something that I connect back to my adolescence stage. But each day I uncover to recover, I make a conscious effort to improve myself, no matter how challenging it may be and how much my mind resists. Change is always possible, and waiting for us.

Draining the Venom: Quick Update

Life has seemed to have halted to a standstill, but time is a reminder that everything is constantly moving simultaneously. It’s a strange paradox I’ve been experiencing recently but maybe it is more so due to my strange perception of time and how I define the phases of my life. Phases of growth, phases of rest, phases of creativity, as well as phases of new experiences.

But time has slowed enough for me to notice rippling thoughts emerge from my subconscious about the past, and I’ve spent time tying each specific moment of my childhood to my current personality and darker modes of behavior. The process of learning to accept faults within ourselves we usually shove under the rug is not an overnight process and I continuously catch myself falling into negative patterns despite my restraints, but I felt like the only way to truly drain the venom from my life, being dark memories, mistakes, times of shame and self hate, was to once again, pour everything onto the page. Since releasing intuition until now I’ve been dissecting pieces of myself each day, coming to terms with every aspect of my being, sewing the pieces back together to lead me to this moment and soon, the arrival of my third book. Coming in Fall 2022. More details to come in the following months 🐍

(follow @akadomm on Instagram for future updates)

Essential Life Tips

Hey everyone. I know I haven’t posted anything on here for a while but rest assured, a new book is nearly finished and will hopefully be released sometime next year. 2021 was definitely a year of grounding myself and looking inwards, coming to terms with reality, restructuring my goals, as well as strengthening my connections with those around me. So I’ve listed 26 life tips that I had either newly learned, or even tried to implement more and focus on. Some may sound like common sense, but many things are left said and never actually implemented daily, and it’s up to us to hold ourselves accountable. These tips are crucial in benefiting your mental, physical and social well being, and I hope you’ll get to take away something that could enhance your life in any way as you consider new goals for next year. (These are in no particular order)

1.   Don’t depend on others for anything. The more you rely on yourself, the less disappointed and the more in control of your own life you will be. I mean this for everything. Work, school, friends, relationships. Center yourself and put yourself first when it comes your emotional well being and overall productivity.

2. Learn to not be controlled by your emotions and separate your feelings from logic. It takes some time to master shifting yourself out of the emotional passenger seat and back into the drivers seat of logic, but with enough awareness and practice, it’s possible. You’ll no longer be overrun by a flood of emotions over situations that can easily be solved by viewing them from a perspective of clarity and practicality.

3. Dedicate time to spend with yourself. Not by yourself, WITH yourself. Meaning that you being alone possessed by your phone or TV doesn’t count. You have no idea the benefits you’ll reap just by simply blocking everything out and laying in your thoughts, even talking to yourself out loud for a few hours. It sounds crazy, but its wildly beneficial. You’ll get to know yourself, become more comfortable and even love being independent this way. Life is full of distractions, don’t let them take you away from yourself. I also wrote my favorite article on this you can read here

4. Try things you’ve never done before. Take a martial arts class and learn self-defense to boost your physical health and confidence. Get better at cooking, drawing or any creative outlet. You don’t have to be excellent at it. But branching out of your comfort zone little by little is pivotal for self improvement. And learn to have hobbies and do things that don’t solely revolve around making money.

5. This is challenging, but learn to understand and confront your fears, especially if they are inhibiting your growth. You fear big social events? Go to one. You have a fear of heights? Overcome it by cliff diving like I did. Fear in itself is a poison that can limit and inhibit your frame of mind + growth. Breaking through fear, even in small baby steps, is the most liberating, eye opening experience you can feel and once you break down that barrier, you will have more confidence and be able to evolve.

6. Learn to adapt to periods of uncertainty. Learn how to place some form of trust into the universe and remember that what you deserve and work for will come to you with patience and effort. You might be in an uncomfortable situation in the moment and can’t yet see the reasoning behind a certain circumstance, but there’s a reason to everything. In the future you can look back and understand that those not so pleasant moments were there for a reason. As an example, this entire year I had no idea what path I should be taking and I was stressing out until I sat myself down and narrowed down my goals and what I could see myself doing as a career I’d enjoy every day. You are never going to have all the answers in your life at once, but practice patience, persistence and trust, and everything else will unveil itself in perfect timing.

7. Find a creative outlet. No matter what it is. No matter how unartistic you may think you are. Just do it. It’s therapeutic and does wonders for your mental health. Draw something, write, paint, play an instrument if you want. But being creative, even if it’s just a couple hours a week, not only stimulates the right-side of your brain, it forms all sorts of new and interesting connections between neurons, meaning that you will see different perspectives on problems and situations that you’ve never saw before and could enhance your critical thinking.

8. Take a self defense class. This will help instill confidence in you knowing that no one could ever kick your ass and you won’t feel defenseless in a bad situation. Even if it’s just for a couple hours a week, even if you may think you won’t be good at it, it will be worth it if you are ever in a dangerous situation and need to protect yourself.

9. Travel more. Traveling opens your eyes to new worlds and rips you from your little bubble of comfort. Travel by yourself even. Notice how or if you can adapt well into a foreign environment. This will test your self-reliance as well as opening opportunities to learn about new places, meet new people and shift your perspective on so many aspects of life. You’ll return home a new person.

10. Understand that the only time you have is right now, so stop procrastinating. Procrastination is the ultimate productivity killer. This is self-explanatory, but very often dismissed. I’m not saying you should be productive every day. We are not machines, but if you have a lot on your plate, focus on doing at least the easiest tasks first and hold yourself accountable for what you need to accomplish.

11. Stop wasting your time thinking that someone in your life is going to change and stop thinking that you can change them. They are the way they are, and if there’s something about them that you do not like, you don’t change them; you change by considering their place in your life and potentially moving on. You should absolutely communicate to them in a *mature way* about a certain issue if they are hurting you, but if they aren’t willing to change, that simply means they do not care about you and are too stubborn to change their behavior. Move on.

12. Try creating more than one stream of income. That way if you lose a job, you can still rely on other sources. Invest in high dividend stocks, sell some things you don’t use anymore, walk a dog if you have to in your spare time. There are endless opportunities.

13. Learn to trust yourself and pay attention to your inner voice. The one notion that separates successful people from non-successful people (I’m not talking material/career success) is that they’re confident, self aware, and are able to tap into their intuition to have it guide them on decision making. Your intuition is your gut feeling that many people often ignore. One way to strengthen your inner voice and intuition is to practice meditation. There are many different ways to meditate and doing so will lead to a clearer mind - and a clearer mind will lead to clearer thoughts and a more grounded + calmer mental state.

14. Learn to be more open to opinions other than your own. Many people can be stubborn and even when they realize they are wrong on a topic, they defend it to protect their pride. There is nothing wrong with humility and being able to admit you may be wrong about something. A sign of an intelligent person is that they are able to hold multiple opinions on certain subjects without being attached to one viewpoint.

15. Also, learn to respect other people’s opinions. You may not agree with them, you might even hate what they’re saying, but it’s a waste of time trying to change someone’s opinion and I had to learn this many times, especially if that person is stubborn. If they’re wrong about something and they’re too prideful to admit it, move on.

16. READ. Knowledge is power. Sorry, but your twitter binges can only take you so far before your mental health and brain start turning to mush. Read on history, spirituality, marketing, psychology, ANYTHING you are interested in, but I’m asking you to stick to non-fiction at least. Social media is entertaining in moderation, but face it, that’s not doing anything for yourself. In addition to gaining general knowledge, reading helps you speak and think better. Even if you just read for 20 minutes a day.

17. Unlearn the psychological effects of capitalism. Not everything you do with your time has to be in regard to a job and making money. Learn to break away from this dangerous mindset and enjoy the simplicities in taking time for yourself and doing things that make you happy. You’re just going to end up burned out and eternally dissatisfied otherwise.

18. Learn a new language. Not only does learning a new language unlock parts of your brain and makes you much more intelligent, but learning another common language is crucial to surviving in foreign environments and looks incredible on a resume.

19. Meditate. Meditating gives you clarity, focus and insight. Even sitting in a quiet area and focusing on a breathing exercise for ten minutes will bring incredible results for your physical/mental well being. I know it can be difficult, but as I’ve said, there are many ways to meditate so find a method that works for you and try sticking it out.

20. Learn self discipline. You want to get muscle? Hold yourself accountable and go to the gym. You want to learn a new language? Dedicate time to do so. In my opinion, a big trait that separates successful people from non-successful people is self discipline. You could be interested in something and/or be talented/creative, but if you’re not applying those skills or setting time to work on something by having the self discipline and holding yourself accountable, you won’t be able to accomplish anything.

21. Learn to accept things as they are and not get attached to anything. There is a big difference between healthily loving something/someone and becoming attached to it/them. Being attached means you rely on it too much and you may need it to fill a void within you, and when you’re attached, you become fixated or even controlling in extreme scenarios. But people come and go, things will always change, and as painful as it is, you must be able to healthily accept situations and people for as/who they are without force or control.

22. Learn how to articulate yourself and communicate efficiently. Knowing how to speak well will help you in communicating clearly and proving your points when defending yourself. Whether you’re speaking in front of a group of people or giving a presentation at work or school, knowing how to communicate efficiently is crucial.

23. Remove any negativity in your life. I know this is obvious, and sometimes it’s hard, but just because they’re a family member or a close friend, doesn’t mean they need to be kept in your life if they’re toxic and diminish your mental health. Don’t create an excuse, nor let anyone give you an excuse to abuse you just because you’re family or if they’ve been in your life for a long time. It’s about to be 2022. Learn to consider and protect yourself first, as difficult as it may be.

24. Learn to be more considerate. This is a big one for me because I’ve encountered so many people who aren’t sympathetic and considerate to those around them and although it might not be their intent, it comes off as disrespectful and cold. Understand how your behavior and what you do (or even not do) could make other people feel, so be cautious with your actions and learn to take other peoples feeling into account.

25. Learn how to protect your energy and put your needs first. Say no to someone if you don’t want to do something. Don’t do anything out of a sense of obligation (listen to your intuition!) Surround yourself with people and things that are good for your mental health. Be selfish, self loving and listen to your mind and body.

BODY + MIND HEALTH

Our physical and mental health in relation to vitamin supplements, is something many of us were never fully educated in. Multivitamin pills aren’t necessarily bad, but they are not providing nearly enough nutrients, antioxidants and especially, live probiotics that we need for optimal physical and mental health.

Whenever I thought about vitamins I always related it with my physical health, but I forgot just how much our diets affect how we feel and think. It took quite a few years of research to create a solid health regimen that checks every mark and drastically improved my state of mind. I’ve listed the general information and health benefits for each of these supplements as well as links that provide more in depth information.

GreenVibrance

This powerhouse supplement powder has everything you need in a multivitamin, including over 45 billion live probiotics (which is why you need to keep this stored in your freezer) that assists in digestion, circulation, metabolism, neurological health, energy and detoxification. I notice an immediate difference in my mood and energy when I use this. The cereal grassroots in here as well as many other vegetables and fruits that boost your immune system include: organic alfalfa sprouts, organic broccoli sprouts, organic spirulina, soft-cell chlorella, stabilized rice bran, organic beet juice, organic parsley, organic spinach, organic carrot, green bean, zucchini, and three sea vegetables which enrich the density of nutrients, making this the ultimate supplement that EVERYONE should be taking. You can get it here

Trace Mineral Drops

Unfortunately, water is over purified so much, especially in America, that the essential minerals our body needs to survive are filtered out. Minerals are vital for every single bodily function. Yes, we can take vitamins, but without the proper amount of minerals in our bodies, the vitamins cannot fully function. Our bodies rely on minerals for general functioning as well as essential for our electrical systems. Our bodies need minerals to generate billions of tiny electrical impulses that are needed for our hearts to beat and brains to function. Minerals are also vital for our bone health as well as muscles, tissue, hair skin and nails. Generally, people would receive their mineral intake from the foods which were grown in mineral rich soils and fresh spring water. But due to our soils being stripped of these minerals in modern farm practices, our food does not posses the minerals that we need, as well as our over purified water. Signs of mineral deficiency can be shown by having grey hairs, age spots, eye twitches, wrinkles, sagging skin, low blood sugar and vericose veins. Having a healthy intake of minerals in our bodies give us more energy, improved circulation, reduced anxiety, good digestion, improved mood, stronger nails, thicker hair, better sleep, better libido, improved metabolism, stronger immune systems and a longer life span.

Apple Cider Vinegar

I cannot stress this one enough. Drinking a tablespoon of Apple Cider Vinegar in a glass of cold water every day is vital for balancing the ph balance in your body. If the Ph level in your body is off, especially if your ph level is more acidic, you’d experience low energy levels, your bones will weaken, you’d most likely have insomnia and poor dental health (enamel degradation) (please brush and FLOSS your teeth). ACV also boosts your mood and energy levels as well as aiding in digestion. It’s the healthiest way to detox your gut (throw away your fit tea pls). I usually drink it with a squeeze of lemon and yes, it’s not the best flavor, but get over it. You can find this at any supermarket, just make sure you get the one with “the mother” which has all the good enzymes.

Astaxanthin

Astaxanthin is something I’ve recently come across and added to my regimen due to its incredibly high amount of antioxidants. Astaxanthin is derived from microalgae as a defense mechanism against UV rays and lack of nutrients to protect the microalgae when its water source dries up. According to a recent study, it’s 40 times more powerful than beta-carotene, 550 times more powerful than vitamin E, 800 times more powerful than CoQ10 and 6,000 times more powerful than vitamin C. What’s also incredible about Astaxanthin is that it acts as an internal sunscreen, protecting the skin from within against UV rays and repairs any damage inflicted by the sun including brown spots, sunburn, wrinkles, fine lines and skin cancer. Please be careful when ordering this as a lot of brands use unhealthy, synthetic additives. I get mine from here.

Fish Oil

Fish oil has a high amount of Omega-3 fats (Specifically EPA and DHA) which are greatly beneficial for a wide range of bodily functions. As well as Omega-3 fats, fish oil also has sufficient sources of Vitamins A & D. Fish oil supports heart health by increasing good cholesterol, reduce high blood pressure, and prevents arterial plaque. Our brains comprise a high level of omega-3 fats, so you can already tell how beneficial fish oil is for normal brain function. It also supports eye health, maintain/improve skin health and studies have also shown how it can improve depression (people with depression appear to have lower levels of omega-3 fats.) Fish oil has also been shown to improve asthma symptoms, increase bone health as well as muscle health (reducing soreness, aids in strength + range of motion, increase muscle gains, speed muscle recovery and burn fat). Fish oil could be found at any supermarket or online.

Perspective & Purpose

It’s easy to fall into a possessed state of being where we become controlled by a tornado of thoughts that never seem to cease, removing us further from mental clarity and distorting our perspectives and relationships with the outer world. We’re also conditioned by societal expectations to find a “purpose” in life that generally entails doing something productive to build our wealth and social status.

            In a severely capitalistic society, success is measured by monetary wealth and status from your job occupation. “Purpose” only means how you are contributing to society in a “productive” way that fuels the economy and earns you money. This form of thinking becomes engrained in our minds from an early age and though people can acknowledge this expectation and structure of society, they’re inevitably pressured by the strains of survival to live within this hyper productive mindset. On a day to day basis where everyone is trying to hustle for money and have themselves perceived as being hardworking and “successful”, we are carried further away from our inner selves and our true purpose.

It becomes difficult for us to define who we are because we rarely take time to remove ourselves from this mindset. But we are not our thoughts, we are not our feelings, and this is not our purpose. I’ve been asked that if we are not what we think and how we feel, then what are we? In the simplest way to put it, we are nothing on this life but observers and witnesses to the phenomenon of life and the world around us.

Our thoughts and feelings stem from our ego. Our ego projects itself into our thoughts and feelings and that is what attaches us to people and the outer world. When we are led solely by our thoughts and feelings our clarity is distorted, our perspectives are altered, and our desires and goals are placed outside of ourselves. Our egos are roped in, believing that things outside of ourselves belong to us and our feelings then get hurt, we become jealous, worried and can even feel entitled to what isn’t ours. We become weighed down by feeling as if we need to achieve something just for the sake of our reputations. We start to attach our feelings of happiness and satisfaction based on how much we accumulate, how much we are admired, and the job positions we have to define our status. But we are none of these things.

The only purpose we have in this world has already been fulfilled. By one in a million, we are the souls who have been given a chance to be on earth, and our only purpose is to observe, experience, and enjoy this phenomenon. But in order for us to separate ourselves from our thoughts and feelings, we must learn to practice awareness. We are all highly emotional people, but you have to re-mind yourself that you are much bigger than what you feel. You are quite literally, a fragment of god/universal consciousness, put on earth to experience life. By meditating and practicing awareness, you shift your energy, pulling all of your focus back within yourself. You will be able to learn to break your mindset and operate from a clearer level of awareness. You will be able to see things for what they truly are, not how you feel about them. With this mode of thinking, there are far less worries, feelings of dissatisfaction, and anxiety. I don’t mean for you to necessarily be numb and indifferent to everything around you. But this higher state of thinking can help alter your perspective and place your purpose back within yourself, allowing yourself to feel more gratitude and appreciation towards the world around you.

            So, to recap: You are not your thoughts and your feelings. You are merely an observer in this world and your purpose and self-fulfillment should always stem from yourself and not be attached to anything around you. You are not here to conform to the collective mindset that society has taught you to think and behave, and your purpose and worth is not defined in terms of monetary gains. Your purpose is simply to enjoy the incredible wonders of this life you’re witnessing, and practicing this awareness by meditating, observing, and simply, being.

            Everything you want, you already have. Look inwards.

Under The Veils of Intuition

So much had happened during my time writing my second book, I wanted to write a post to explain in depth the inspiration, process, challenges and experience of writing Intuition. It was anything but easy and nothing like my first book. 

In July 2018, the familiar life in Miami was coming to an end upon my graduation, and I had no clue what to do and where to go from there. I wanted to move forward, but I didn’t know what step to take. If I had stayed in Miami, my growth would’ve hit a plateau, and the only thing scarier than change, is not changing. So I left.

I fled to Europe. I was traveling with family then I went to live with my friend in Milan to record music, and that’s where the beginning blueprints of the book started to surface. I didn’t allow myself to think about what would happen after I returned to the states and for the first time, I trained myself to solely enjoy the present moment. I encountered many different situations and experiences that started to test my self reliance, ability to adapt in a foreign environment, taking risks on my own, meeting new people + having to place my trust in them, and counting on no one but myself living in a foreign environment. I was writing every day and night, on trains from Rome to Milan, off the shores of the Amalfi coast, and subways to the recording studio. So much had happened during my time in Europe and the endnote of all of this was the foundation of the book.

I could plan to write a book, structure it, outline it and try to fill in the blanks as much as I can, but everything flies out of the window when I’m headfirst in a new experience. I didn’t feel like myself then because I realized I wasn’t even aware of who I was, what my self-perception was and how I reacted to a new situation. I knew that if I were to grow and truly evolve to grasp the new life ahead of me, I had to change and wake the fuck up. I needed to stop projecting this expected reality I had in my head and see things, with no strings attached, as they truly were.

The revision process for the book was the most tedious, challenging task. Some pieces remained the same from initial conception, but other pieces were either revised multiple times, rearranged, or just omitted from the final version. I did this nearly every single day until it was completed this year. I didn’t have help with roles outside of writing so I had to take on every position from editing, formatting, revising, publishing, content creation, digital marketing, social media planning and creative direction.

One thing that was most crucial was how, in contrast to my first book, I allowed myself time to truly breathe through the pages and take my time writing it. I wrote my first book in a little over two months and this book took two years. I wrote constantly everyday, with attention over the smallest details, ensuring the cohesion and well roundedness of the world I was creating. The final version has become the purest cut of my soul into physical form. 

Some people think the process of growing up/evolving is a straight line up but Intuition shows just how unrealistic that is. Growth is a web of struggle and effort. Becoming aware of my thought process and behaviors, and consistently trying to retrain my mind to break these negative mindsets, is something that needs to be implemented every day. Which is why the energy in the book shifts from positive to negative so frequently. The culmination of all of this is summed up in one of the pieces titled “War In Me,” near the end of the book.

I knew that I had finished writing the book when I was in New York and all these questions and struggles that I had we’re being answered/let go. I realized there wasn’t a wrong or right way to live life. I’m not supposed to do what others expect of me. I can’t depend on another person, or another city to make me happy. Every single question, every single worry could in fact, be simply solved from within. Through so many personal wins and failures within myself, I had retrained my mind to detach and let go from what I thought I wanted or needed to be happy and to feel fulfilled.

My sister helped me design the cover. I wanted it to be inspired by the Vatican museum in Rome and the trance I was in walking down those cobbled streets underneath the summers skies. My friend Mario contributed his sketches as well as my friend Shalenah who helped me with the revision process.

Pretty soon, this work that I’ve kept to myself, sculpting for so long to become the final form it is now, will be released into the world. I feel like it’s truly alive, independent from me and breathes with lungs of its own at this point.

To Intuition: people are going to read you, enjoy you, relate with you, cry with you, question you, feel hurt with you and heal with you. I only hope you will bring some light into the lives of those you touch, remind them of their own intuition, and teach them to trust themselves.

Available now at Amazon and Barnes & Nobles.

Is This Happiness?

Many people believe that they should always be in a state of happiness, and think it is not right/something is wrong if they experience negative emotions, or even nothing.

I’ve experienced this so much in the past and would hate it when people would say “be happy! be happy! smile!” I always tried to reject certain emotions and expected a constant state of mind, and if I fell shy from that, I would feel guilty. But permanent happiness is simply unrealistic. It’s not even healthy. This is something I’ve come to terms with this past year and I’ve mentioned in my forthcoming book, that among all other emotions, happiness is fleeting. It is supposed to be greeted, experienced, then waved off. It’s the healthiest, most logical form of emotional processing.

The root of our struggle lies within constantly pressuring ourselves to be in one constant emotional state, then making ourselves feel guilty when we don’t reach it. Most people even panic when they have nothing to feel and are not controlled by such strong emotions. They are scared to be silent. To simply just be.

We don’t always have to be in any emotional state.

It takes a high sense of awareness to sit in the backseat of your emotions and observe them, detach from them and not let them control you. There is no other choice but to place ourselves in a mindful state, detaching from our feelings and observing them as they pass. To not feel uncomfortable when we feel nothing at all and understand that’s completely normal.

We merely reach an equilibrium, a peace with accepting these states, then returning to an emptiness.

A contentment in nothing.

The Wonders of Being Alone

I’ve always rejected the chaotic, energy draining routines of everyday life that many people I know love and are so content with. Each day is filled with so much distraction that people rely on and have become programmed to devote to. Our senses are overloaded. We’re usually with many people all day and when we’re not, we’re more than likely listening to music or watching TV. When we get home we call people or leave the TV on to make it seem like someone is there until we fall asleep.

No one bothers breaking this cycle. No one knows how to be quiet and spend time with themselves anymore. People are constantly distracting themselves without even being consciously aware of it. We’re so used to doing as much as we can to make us feel accomplished, or at the very least, binge watch Netflix, Why do people distract themselves? 

You distract yourself because you can’t stand yourself.

People don’t want to face their inner voice, the pressing silence of their empty bedroom. They don’t know how to spend time by themselves and are uncomfortable with it.

Being uncomfortable with being alone speaks volumes about your identity.

When we live with so many distractions, we are not even ourselves. We don’t know ourselves and we don’t pay attention to the internal because our energies are so focused on our external environments. People measure and understand who they are solely based on their external relationships and how they are perceived by others. Their personalities are completely dependent on the world around them.

Who are you when you’re alone?

The only way to get in tune with ourselves and break the cycle of distractions is to retreat into ourselves. Even with a full time work week, a social life, and finishing a second book, I take a few hours from my days off to turn off my phone, and sit in silence.

Sometimes I meditate, other times I lay in my thoughts and have conversations with myself. Near the end, the chaotic energy in my mind slows down and I even notice I begin to think more logically. Everything feels more clear as my thoughts are coming from my own internal voice, no one else’s. With time spent alone and newfound inner peace, your energy is at a much calmer level and you’re able to live with a higher tuning into your intuition and inner guidance. We are able to stay in the present moment and not have a bombardment of thoughts controlling us. During these quiet periods, we’re able to tap into profound insights from our subconscious and become more creative. Overtime, we become more comfortable and have a better understanding with who we are, without relying on the external world.

Our current circumstances are now forcing us to retreat into ourselves, to cut us off from everything and hold a mirror up to our behaviors, our though patterns, our priorities, our selfishness. Take this given time, cut off all distraction, and you’ll realize the profound power in the simplicities, the wonders of being alone. 

Happily Unhappy: The Art Of Suffering

A particular state of being that I’ve observed with others, and I admit I’ve experienced myself, is the addiction to suffering. Most people are not even aware of this addiction and are comfortable in this state of being. I’ve learned how it is anchored by two main reasons, stemming mentally and physically.

Mentally, most don’t understand their addiction to it. Since they are used to it, they would rather stay attached to these feelings as it is the only thing to remind them of whatever caused their suffering. They are terrified of letting go and moving on. Others do acknowledge their suffering and are content with it, they enjoy it and overtime, it becomes their personality.

Physically, even at a cellular level, the body is so used to feeling this way and becomes its permanent state of being. Our bodies are quite literally wired to feel this way over time, so even when the mind is trying to move on, the body is confused and inevitably forces us to go back into this state of being.

Suffering replaces emptiness, which is far more terrifying to some than suffering. At least suffering fills their void and comforts them. Without suffering, they would have nothing, and they’re not prepared for that. They would rather be consumed with their emotions, the replay of their thoughts on loop. So when someone asks why can’t they stop feeling this way, deep down, whether they know or not, they don’t want to. If they weren’t suffering, they would have nothing else to complain about.

Once this is understood, two things can either happen from here, the understanding of their suffering can enlighten some people and they are able to drop it, or, even still knowing, they will still refuse to drop it. Suffering has become what their body thrives off of and what its fueled on.